in that moment, taking the shovel, loading it with fresh earth, and pouring it on the box in the grave… hearing that sound… in that moment of utter finality it changed for me. it was done… physical, real. maybe that’s why we do it that way… to re-inforce the finality of death. anyhow i said goodbye, again. it was merely the physical manifestation. the spiritual death, the death of anything between us had happened long ago, been mourned by me long ago. there is no more chance now than there was last week, last month, last year, of things being different, but *really* no more chance. that is the sad part i suppose. but I didn’t cry. I’d done all my crying about this long ago and over many years.

None of us were asked to speak, but I had something in mind if asked… it seems a waste to have thought about it and not get to say it so…

to me, life is an adventure… I didn’t always think of it as such, and sometimes it’s still hard to do… but as I have grown, this has become my way of thinking, living, enjoying. I’ve been fortunate in finding that out and am able to feel good about the path I’ve taken thus far. The thing about the life adventure is — it all ends the same way. No matter how we conduct ourselves while living, no matter where we go, what we do, how we treat others, we all end up with life ended.

What’s done is done… we cannot change the past. The only thing we can effect is in the here and now… how we conduct our lives, how we choose to live, how we choose to treat eachother. hopefully it is with love, not malice; with tolerance, not judgement; with honesty & openness, not condemnation for any imaginary wrongs. The choice is ours.

What purpose does it serve to carry the immense weight of grudges throughout ones life? It seems to me that there is nothing gained by those who cling to grudges. I say, why not cling to love? The choice is yours.